Growing up with a physical impediment was not easy. I was laughed at, picked on, made fun of, and sometimes ignored as if I did not exist. I am telling my story with the hopes of inspiring a child, young woman, or man who live with a physical handicap, and who may feel the pain of rejection. I want you to know that you are not alone. The pain is real, but if God is for you, who can be against you?
I was not born with a disability. I grew up like most children, running and playing, with lots of energy. I loved to play, have fun, and was very outgoing, until I was around the age of 10 or 11. My mom started to notice that I was developing a “gait walk.” She took me to doctors and they ran all kinds of test on me to find out what was causing my gait walk. After many tests and scans, the doctors told my mom that I had a cyst on my spinal cord and that if it was not removed, I would end up paralyzed. When my mom learned that, she, of course, did not want her daughter to end up paralyzed, so she allowed the doctors to perform the surgery to remove the cyst.
I was 12 years old when I had the surgery. The doctors told my mom that if the surgery did not correct my walking, it would prevent it from getting worse. Well, guess what? My walking did, in fact, get worse. The muscles in my legs weakened over the years, after I had the surgery.
After I was released from the hospital, and was able to return to my home, I went back to school and it was not the same. I was made mockery of because of my crippled walk. All of the stares and people looking at me as if I was not real, caused me to become withdrawn, sad, and depressed. I became like a turtle and hid inside of my shell. My shell was safe to me. I became very self-conscious and shy.
Being rejected by your peers really hurts because as human beings, we want acceptance. Not having friends hurt. I was the girl in school that rarely talked, that sat at the lunch table alone, that was a wallflower. I was the girl who went to her first prom alone. I would get so nervous when I was around people because most would treat me as if I was from another planet.
I would question God and ask why did this have to happen to me. Why me, I would ask. Why not someone else? Later in life, as I got older, I came to realize that God does not put on us more than we can bear and that my life would be used to inspire others. When I really got this, or as Oprah would say, when I had my ‘ah ha’ moment, this is when the healing began!
I graduated high school and went off to college. I was still quiet and shy but I was coming into my own. I started to be more comfortable in my own skin. When I graduated Wharton County Junior College and went on to Sam Houston State University, it was very challenging. The terrain in Huntsville, TX, has more hills than what I was used to and sometimes I would lose my balance and literally roll down some of those hills. I did not become embarrassed or let that stop me. I fell down often but got right back up, dusted the dirt off, and kept stepping.
One thing I was blessed with was a strong spirit to not let anything stop me, not even my physical disability. My grandfather, Wiley Logan, who passed away recently, would always encourage me and tell me I could do anything anybody else could do. When other people tried to put me in a box, he told me to think outside of the box.
Doctors told me that I would never have children because I would not be able to carry a child in my condition. After accepting the teachings of the most Honorable Elijah Muhammad, I have been blessed, by the grace of God, to have three healthy children. When God is for you, who can be against you?
My life has not been easy and we can probably all say that. I have had my physical handicap to deal and live with. Someone else my have a mental handicap or whatever the impediment may be, my point in telling my story is that, the healing begins when you look at yourself in the mirror and accept the person starring back at you. The day I did that is the day the healing began for me. By the way, Allah (God) is not through with me yet. I am still a work in progress.
Currently, I get around in a wheelchair. I am married with three children. I have worked full-time in the banking industry for 9 years, and I am building a self-care and wellness business. My impediment does not stop me from doing anything; I just have to do things a little differently.
Let’s face it, if we were all the made the same, this world would be a very dull place. Live life on purpose! One of my new favorite inspirational quotes is, “how can the sky be the limit, when there are foot prints on the moon!” Be blessed and more importantly, be a blessing to others!
